The naked emperor strikes back

In a move designed to signal some possibility of a compromise with Mrs. Bhutto’s demand that he remove all his clothes and appear in public naked, President Musharraf has told Assistant Secretary of State John Negroponte that he “may appear “ without his uniform much later on, but not before he has arranged for a tummy tuck. In a letter to Negroponte leaked by sources within Mr. Musharraf’s inner circle, Musharraf states that the main reason he has refused to disrobe before now has been that he is self-conscious about his appearance in a bathing suit. “Since that is the case,” the document goes on to explain, “just think how much more uncomfortable the President would be to appear entirely unclothed, as Mrs. Bhutto is demanding.” The document remains vague about any timetable, but estimates that the earliest Mr. Musharraf could agree to appear in public naked would depend on his ability to schedule the required cosmetic work, plus additional time for the swelling to go down and an unspecified period devoted to “working on his abs.”
Opposition parties have been outspoken in their rejection of the suggested procedure, characterizing it as nothing more than a bid to stall for time. “We cannot just wait around for Musharraf to develop a six-pack,” Mrs. Bhutto insisted in a speech to supporters. “Believe me, even with a subscription to Bally’s he’ll never be another Schwarzenegger.” Mullah Abdullah Nasrullah of the Baluchistan Revolutionary Front, or BaRF, was unusually scathing in his response. “Just wait and see,” Nasrullah sneered. “Next he will say he needs to wear his new wing-tips because the ground in Pakistan is so stony. Then he will say he needs supp-hose because of the varicose veins in his legs. Before long, he’ll be right back in a three-piece suit, complete with matching tie and suspenders!” And suspicions in Pakistan have not been helped by the rumor that Mr. Negroponte presented the President with a ten million dollar gift certificate to Jos.A.Bank.